Content Rated: PG-13
Kinda like Planes, Trains, and plantains. But more bitching.
This story begins like any other. Lots of walking, driving, and bicycling.
There are three types of people you see on campus. They will either walk, bike, or drive. And those that have experienced all three know why we hate and love them. More hate than love. Actually no love, ALL HATE.
Pedestrians: The most gentle of organisms and the weakest. They tend to travel in large packs or lone ranger style. They will cross any road, any time, any where, any place, any how, any what. It does not matter if there is no crosswalk or a car going down the street at 50 mph. No fear. However they tend to be loud and obnoxious when intoxicated and can cause issues with bicyclists and drivers.
Bicycles: The most hated of organisms, and weak but they have +20 speed since they’re on a bike. The road and the sidewalk is their territory. It’s like a Lion King that pissed on the map of the world and deemed everything his. If you are on his path, you better gtfo or you’re gonna get run over and insulted. They do not understand what road signs mean and have 0 common sense. For example: a car is traveling at 25 mph [speed limit on campus if you did not know] and weighs 4000 pounds and is moving towards a bicyclists who is traveling at 10 mph in the opposite direction and weighs 250 pounds. Who do you think will win?
Automobiles: The king of the road. No doubt. They’re heavy and fast. Like it’s a cheetah on crack with the strength of a bear overdosed on redbull and ready to party. They have no fear, but sometimes they suffer from a debilitating disorder known as driving-too-slow or being-a-woman or Asian. The disease is incurable and can lead to many headaches and accidents.