Today’s Song of the Day:
Float On – Modest Mouse (Keep Calm and Chive on Guys)
Coming to you live with a special report!
Little known fact, I write my posts about a week before I put them up. But why? DON’T ASK STUPID QUESTIONS. You could ask why for a lot of things, but we don’t cuz it’s annoying.
But since I’m a nice guy I’ll humor you, it’s cause sometimes you just really get the juices flowin and can pump out like 4 posts in one sitting. BUT if you post them all at once, not only will people not read them all, but you’ll also have nothing to post the following week. So it’s better to spread them out. So some crazy things happened today and yesterday for that matter that I felt were very pertinant to talk about, and they were very time senstive, meaning if I wrote about Derrick Rose’s terrible ACL injury and didn’t post it until next week, it’d be irrelevant.
Bet let me describe my evening to you. After my work out, I head to the grocery store at the less ghetto downtown schunucks, and per my typical routine, I go get some of the best gyro’s in stl. Little did I know, this would be the GYRO TRIP OF DOOOOM. From the get go, the sky is already dark and grey (I keep forgetting, is it “grey” or “gray”?), almost like what you imagine the color of Tom Marvolo Riddle’s soul to look like (let’s see how many ppl get that reference). And before I can walk three steps from my car to the gyro store door (I am a pro at getting primo parking spots btw) the tornado sirens go off…
Not a good sign, but it had two things going against it, my irrational love for gyros, and the fact that I just don’t give a $^*t about tornado warnings (that’s what you get for growing up in stl and never actually experiencing a tornado). As the lovely charismatic man I am, I chatted the gyro guy up and got him to throw in free feta cheese on my gyro (normally .50! are you impressed?). To be honest the trick is to ask for the cheap stuff after he rings you up.
O you’d like 2 extra bbq sauce with your mcnuggets?
Yes. If you’d like I could pay the .50, but I still only have my credit card.
O no, don’t worry about it, just make sure you ask before you swipe next time.
Thanks so much, you’re such a doll
After I get my delicious gyro, it is time to head home in my ferocious chariot of a million horse
After turning from Kingshighway onto Chippawa, it starts to rain slightly, and let me tell you something about stl ppl, the slightest drop of rain =
WIDE SPREAD PANIC AND FULL ON RETARDEDNESS slightly slower traffic. After some Dale Earnhardt (does he still race?) like weaving in and out of traffic, I get to Gravois and then BOOOOM. Let me set the scene for you:
It’s dark and gloomy, our hero is driving his Intergalatic Sun Mobile on his way to slay the evil villain called Hunger. And then all of a sudden a wave of water swarms and crashes against the ships cockpit. Then millions and millions of small craters start attacking the ship from all angles. Chaos ensues, children are screaming, but are barely heard as the sound of the millions of meteors drown out any and all senses.The ship’s captain has no choice but to pull over and let the meteors pass. But after several Blurg Nanos pass, there is still no end in sight. Then the captain making the tough choice exclaimed:
“THIS IS SPARTA!”
And front kicked the
gas warp pedal. And the ship barreled through the meteor field guns blazing and accompanied by warrior screams ready to take this field head on!
Before the heroes knew what happened, they had reached the base safely with minimal damage.
While I was able to make it back to my garage with minimal damage, many of my friends were not so lucky. Here is a brief collection of what happened to a few of my friends who were back in the county (vs. me in the city).
Wells “Holy Crap I’m lucky” Ling